dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
