I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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