dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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