Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
