i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
