i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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