He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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