After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
