Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Floor bacon is actually really good
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
