I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
