I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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