i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
