just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize