Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize