Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
