those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
