ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
