I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
