she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
