if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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