i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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