my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
