i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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