Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
