After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
