so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
