If i come over, it means nothing
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
