omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
