Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
