I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
