sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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