We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
