mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
