I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
