you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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