you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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