He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
