As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
