Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
