how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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