I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Found your dick twin last night
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
