my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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