I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Someone shattered a urinal.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
