Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
