Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
