No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
