in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
