So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
