how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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