you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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