I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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