you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
