I am puke
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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