Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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