i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am midnight drunk by noon
Girls should come with a carfax report
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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