Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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