Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We had to coat check the pizza.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
