i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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