I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
