At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
