why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
