I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
