If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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