I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
