Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
