Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I am morally bankrupt
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My life is pants optional.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
