Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
how drunk are you?
Several
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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