We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
