The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
